More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
