Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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