I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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