It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
