At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
