Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
