i don't like sucking hair
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
