I'm passing your future prison.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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