I feel great
I just peed on a car
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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