youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
