Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
