I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
