this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
