Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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