I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
