I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
