he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
