i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she pinky promised me she was 18
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize