So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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