I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need to sanitize my soul.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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