My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
