Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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