thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
