I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
