ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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