Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize