my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
