I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
