my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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