i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
