My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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