I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
