when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
