you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
