Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
there is puke in my bra ... again
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