sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
