every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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