PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
