O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
