If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We are all done wearing pants today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
