idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
