And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
