Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
