that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize