their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
