she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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