I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
God, I missed his penis.
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