I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
