i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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