Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
