He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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