The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
wow bdsm is so cute
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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