Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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