I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
whose parrot is this?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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