So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
