Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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