It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
