girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
