im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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