maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
