I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
