My Higher Power is John Stamos
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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