I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
