The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
