you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
