he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
