I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize