I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
