I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
