Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize