No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
