We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
