there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
