he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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