Too much gin, very little bucket
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
