I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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