i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
