Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
