just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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