I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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