nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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