That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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