I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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