She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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