ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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