was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
PANTIES FOUND
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