good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
