I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
