Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
