i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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