I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
