so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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