this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
