We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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