wakey wakey hands off snakey
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize