oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
