dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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