Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
