before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
