I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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