I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
