just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my shit smells like andre
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I lost the right to judge tonight
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
