i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
