my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
