I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
