Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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