My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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