My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
